Losses come in many forms, all of which can have a deep and profound psychological impact on those left behind. One important element of the grieving and healing process is finding a sense of closure. However, that sense is harder to find in some situations than others.

Decades ago, family therapist Pauline Boss, Ph. D., coined the term “ambiguous loss” to refer to a type of loss that lacks certainty, which can freeze the grieving process and prevent resolution. Ambiguous losses can be incredibly stressful, and only by recognizing them in ourselves and others can we find ways to cope and heal.

What is ambiguous loss?

Put simply, ambiguous loss is loss without closure, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Dr. Boss categorizes ambiguous loss into two main types:

• Type One ambiguous loss means a loved one is physically absent but psychologically present. The end of a relationship through a breakup or divorce is this type of ambiguous loss, as is loss of contact due to immigration. A Type One ambiguous loss also occurs when a person goes missing due to kidnapping, war, terrorism, or natural disaster.
• Type Two ambiguous loss is just the opposite: a loved one is physically present but psychologically absent. Usually, this is associated with cognitive disabilities and mental or physical illnesses that take away a loved one’s mind, such as Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, traumatic brain injury, addiction, or severe depression.

What makes both types of ambiguous loss difficult is the lack of closure. A confirmed physical death is certainly difficult, but that difficulty is concrete. The mind can process what happened, and there are rituals associated with it: the wake, the funeral, support from friends and family during a period of grieving, and so on. When a person is missing and presumed but not confirmed dead, or when they are physically present but unrecognizable, the sense of closure isn’t there.

Finding ways to cope with ambiguous loss

Coping with ambiguous loss means naming what has happened, recognizing it as a loss, finding meaning, and developing resilience. Dr. Boss has identified six pillars of coping with ambiguous loss:

• Finding meaning: making sense of the loss and finding a new purpose in life. For instance, some people who have experienced ambiguous losses channel their grief into advocacy,
• Adjusting mastery: recognizing your degree of control in the situation and learning to live with things beyond your control.
• Reconstructing identity: coming to understand your new identity following the ambiguous loss.
• Normalizing ambivalence: coming to terms with conflicted feelings, such as wishing for closure versus wishing for the person’s’ return.
• Revising attachment: carrying two contradictory ideas in your mind at the same time. “She may come back, or she may not.”
• Discovering new hope: finding a reason to carry on, often by helping others to avoid suffering the same ambiguous loss.

It’s critical for people who have suffered an ambiguous loss to get support and, when necessary, mental health treatment from a provider who has the right training and experience to help navigate these complex emotions. Ambiguous loss is, unfortunately, part of life, but with the right support system, it’s possible to develop resilience and find the resolve to keep moving forward.

Our law firm is honored to stand up for families

Unfortunately, the link between ambiguous loss and suicide is self-reinforcing. Suicide itself can cause a type of ambiguous loss: while someone who dies by suicide completion is definitively gone, losing someone to suicide can still create a psychological ambiguous loss because it’s so difficult to make sense of what happened. And experiencing ambiguous loss may increase the risk of suicide because someone who becomes frozen in the grieving process may become overwhelmed and unable to move on.

Ambiguous loss is one of several contributing factors to preventable deaths by suicide. If you have lost someone to suicide completion, we will listen to your story and explain your rights and options. Contact the Law Offices of Skip Simpson for a free, confidential consultation. We’re based in Texas but serve clients across the United States.

“Skip Simpson was my attorney regarding a mental health treatment team. I became the first person in the country to win a lawsuit against treaters who practiced recovered memories. That was 30 years ago. Skip was an amazing attorney for me and still is. He is the best in dealing with mental health issues. First a client, still a life long friend.”
— Laura P.
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